Maybe, Someday, It'll Work
by LoveWithoutLimits
Summary: It cant be normal, can it? Loving them? Harry knows he shouldn't, knows it can never possibly work, but still he does, but can he gather the courage to tell them, and how will they react?  [SLASH]  HPSBRL
1. Chapter 1

-1_"Your off in the head Potter!"_

"_Its just sick and wrong!"_

"_Your disgusting!"_

These are the words that rang through Harry's dreams every night. No matter how had he tried to avoid thinking about it during the day, he couldn't escape once the night came. Every night the same dream would come, no, it was more of a nightmare. An awful nightmare that he couldn't get away from. Harry would see the same scene over and over and over, waking covered in a cold sweat and on the verge of tears. Three months, three months and he still couldn't forget that afternoon. The afternoon Dudley found his diary.

FLASHBACK

Harry was on his knees, dirt covering his face, clothes and everywhere else for that matter. Just one of the things on his Uncles long list of chores was to re-plant all of the flower beds in the back yard. Harry had learnt many years ago to not argue with his chores, no matter how unfair or impossible they were. It would only resulting a beating or a lack of food. Besides, Harry was glad for his chores lately. It kept his mind off of everything. Off one thing in particular. He knew it was wrong to even think about it in the first place, the feelings should never of started, but they had. How he missed being able to see them, their faces, their lips…No! Don't think about it. 

Harry mentally shook himself. He found himself in this situation at least five times a day, letting his mind wonder to where it shouldn't go. "No, don't think about, just finish the garden." Harry told himself.

Many more minutes passed, with Harry digging and scraping at the flower beds, hoping his Uncle would be satisfied. He had missed dinner yesterday due to the car not being to his liking, how was Harry supposed to know he used the wrong wax on it. its not like it even looked different because of it. That didn't matter to his Uncle though, what he said goes, so Harry was punished. He used was to that by now so no longer let it bother him. Ever since he was little Harry would be blamed for every little mistake or accident that happened. This used to anger Harry, especially when half the time it was Dudley sabotaging him, but years of not being able to change it taught him to lie low.

As if on queue, a thudding of steps could be heard coming down the garden path. Harry braced himself, and sure enough the shouting came.

"Is this a joke Boy!"

Harry had no clue what he meant, he rarely did.

"Answer me Boy!"

"I don't know what you mean Uncle" Harry replied flatly.

"This!" Vernon yelled, waving an over sized finger at the flower beds. 

"It's a flowerbed." Harry mocked.

He knew it was a mistake immediately. Vernon's face flushed to the most vibrant shade of red imaginable. The vein on the side of his neck seemed to quiver, this only happened when he was extremely angry. "Great" though Harry "No food again." hiding his bitterness, he tried to keep his face as passive as he could.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT ATTIUDUDE BOY! YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT!"

A hand came swiftly across Harry's left cheek, the brutal smack resounding through the garden. Knocked clean on the hard ground, Harry's hand flew straight to his face. Something warm and wet was trickling down the side. Sure enough, Vernon has his rings on. Harry had a suspicion that he only wore them for these moments.

"GIVE ME THAT SORT OF MOUTH AGAIN AND I WONT BE SO GENTLE!"

Harry bit his lip to keep back a retort. Back chatting wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Bedroom. Now. Not a word!" Said Vernon, attempting to level his voice. A feat that was near impossible when his freak of a nephew was around. Harry didn't need telling twice and left without backward glance. He never did find out what he done wrong with the flower beds. Not that he cared in the slightest, as long as he wasn't expected to do them again.

Harry was careful to tread quietly up the stairs, the last thing he needed was to be accused of stomping too loud. Harry approached his bedroom with low spirits, planning on a well earned rest. His room was small, no surprise there, the Dursley's never gave him anything worth while. It contained the bare minimal, a desk and chair, a wardrobe and a rather old looking bed. It Didn't matter though, he wouldn't be here much longer. Harry turned seventeen in a few weeks, no longer would he have to return to this pitiful excuse for a home.

This happy thought stayed with Harry as he entered his room, distracting him so much he didn't see the large boy sitting on his bed. (although it would have been hard to tell it was a person, the 'thing' on the bed resembled a pig more).

"Your disgusting!"

Harry shot round, wand out pointing directly at the intruders face, ready to curse it in one swift move. Harry sighed out loud, it was just his idiot of a cousin. Dudley Dursley. Dudley's words weren't the only shocking thing about this situation. Harry couldn't remember the last time he was In his room. In fact, he didn't think Dudley had ever been in his bedroom. His entire family tended to avoid anywhere that would remind them of Harry's freakishness, and since Harry's room contained various spell books, a cauldron and an owl (currently out hunting, probably some poor mouse), his room certainly fitted.

"What?" Harry asked. 

"I said your disgusting!" Dudley spat, distaste filling his voice.

"What are-" Harry froze mid-sentence. Oh God. Clasped firmly in one of Dudley's saucer sized hands was Harry's diary. The diary was a project set by Trelawney, Hoping that writing down their feelings and thoughts would encourage her class to open their inner eye more. The task wasn't the problem. Knowing no one would see it Harry had written things in it, things no one should ever read. If Dudley had read it!

"You-you didn't read it. Did you-you?" Harry's voice trembled as he spoke.

"Yes I did!"

Oh no, oh god, this cant be happening. Harry's mind was in overdrive. How much had he read? After all this time of keeping it a secret, of hiding and denying it was even true, his secret was out. Harry had tried to forget about it, ever since he came home from the summer he had tried, but he couldn't. He didn't know when he started to have these feelings, more likely it started around the end of the third year. He Didn't know it then, he was still only a kid, but know he knew. He was in love. With every fibre of his being he was in love. Nothing was more important than that, but no. he shouldn't. it was wrong to feel this way. Harry had realised that pretty soon on as well. Having these sort of feelings and desires wasn't normal (but when had he, the Boy Who Lived, ever been normal).

" How could you like-like-like them!" stuttered out Dudley.

Harry wasn't just in love with one person, he loved two.

" There men! Their not even your age!"

Harry wasn't in love with a girl, he was in love with men.

" Your off you head Potter!"

That was it. Harry was done for. Dudley's reaction was exactly how he imagined his own friends to react. Yes, Harry Potter was gay and had been for a very long time. He couldn't only imagine the thrill The Prophet would get from that. 'Boy Who Lived Lives For Boys!' Harry had no problem with is sexuality. Being gay was nothing to be ashamed of. Harry had realised this truth after his episode with Cho Chang, the girl just did nothing for him. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, but it just didn't feel right.

Shaking on the spot, Harry tried to force out words. He had to shut his cousin up now, but no words would come. All his breath had left him. He stood in silence, dumbstruck, until Dudley made a big mistake. 

" They must be right pervs, weirdos too if their like you!"

Harry's hand was at his throat in a matter of seconds, his thumb stopping his precious air. He squeezed causing his cousin to gag and splutter. 

" DON'T EVER CALL THEM THAT! YOU DON'T KNOW THEM, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" came his roaring voice.

A small whimper escaped Dudley's mouth. Harry looked into his eyes, he knew he would not be telling. The fear there was proof enough. Harry released his grip. A thud signalled his cousin's contact with the floor. At a speed he wouldn't of thought Dudley could move at, he ran from the room. Harry knew he heard one last whisper as he exited the room.

" It's just sick and wrong."

END FLASHBACK

Harry couldn't forget that afternoon.

Climbing into bed that night, the words rang through the air. He knew Dudley was only trying to wind him up, that he didn't know what he was talking about, but that still didn't extinguish his guilt.

Harry knew It would never be.

They could never love him. 

Yet his heart still ached for them.

Moony and Padfoot would always be what he wanted.

Maybe, someday, it'll work.


	2. Chapter 2

-1The kitchen of Grimmauld Place stood empty, except that is for one solitary werewolf. Sitting silently in the corner was one Remus Lupin, nursing a long gone cold cup of coffee. Worry lines creased his already scarred forehead. He was scared, he wasn't ashamed to admit it. It wasn't a feeling he liked to have, especially when it concerned his Godson. There had been no contact from Harry in many weeks now. Remus had tried sending him many messages, so had Sirius. Even his closest friends Ron and Hermione had attempted to contact him. None of them had yet gained a reply. This troubled Remus deeply, it scared him. With each passing day the Wolf inside became more and more anxious. Harry was considered to be his cub, part of his pack. One thing a werewolf would never do is abandon a cub if he thought it was in trouble.

"_I just don't understand." _was all Remus could think. It was not like Harry to ignore so many insistent people. Especially in these dark and dangerous times. Voldemort was growing stronger everyday, never once relenting his search for The Boy Who Lived.

"_What if he found him?"_ This thought plagued Remus's mind day and night. He had brought it up with Dumbledore on a variation of occasions. He assured him that Harry was still at his Aunt's and Uncle's, still safe under the magical wards placed over it. Safe! That was laughable. Everyone knew how poorly Harry was treated there. Barely fed to the point of starvation, worked to exhaustion. It was disgusting. Of course, the old codger wouldn't listen. He denied the offers to go and check on Harry. Everyone in the order had offered to go, well everyone except Snape.

FLASHBACK

'No.' Dumbledore said lightly, though his voice was laced with seriousness. 'If Harry desires to be left alone, then for the time being, we shall allow him to do so. Now I assure you he is still safe and still under close watch, no harm will come to him.'

END FLASHBACK

So that was that. For most, Dumbledore's assurances were enough. Not for Remus though. His Harry would never ignore them like this without a reason. There had to be something wrong, he knew it.

"_I will find my cub, I will find him."_ the wolf wined in his head, and Remus knew it was true. Screw Dumbledore!

Not for the first time, rage flared inside of Remus and took over. The cup in his hand flew at incredible speed across the room, shattering against the brick wall. The pieces fell heavily to the floor, echoing across the kitchen.

A man sighed from the doorway. He knew these rages well and they were becoming more and more common. Most people would be mad at having a cup narrowly miss their head, but not him. Remus seemed not to notice the presence as the man walked to his side.

" Remus?"

No response came. Sighing again the man sat himself next to Remus's form. Placing an arm around his shoulders he pulls the man close. His hand automatically goes to his hair, carding his fingers through the soft locks.

"What are you doing in here Rem?"

He had woken from a nap they had been taking to find his partner missing, the side of the bed cold. He knew Remus has not been sleeping well, that's why he forced him into taking the short nap. He could not blame him for his restlessness, he just wished he could help him.

"I wanted some coffee." came Remus's reply. It was a lie, or at least partly. True, he had got a cup but that wasn't why he came down. He knew that his partner would know this, just like he already knew the real answer.

The man chuckled. "But you hate coffee."

Remus smiled weakly at this. It was true. He had never liked the vile liquid. It was far too strong for his liking, he preferred a warm cup of tea. He barely noticed what he drank anymore, or even what he ate. Coffee reminded him of Harry. The boy loved the drink, gulping down multiple mugs a day. The smell let him pretend that he was here with him. His partners fingers continued to stroke through his hair, soothing him. No matter how hard things got, somehow this man could always calm him, at least for a little while.

Remus sighed. "I miss him."

"I know." it was a simple reply, but few words were needed between them. They both understood what each other were going through, even if sometimes they seemed to forget. It was just as difficult for both of them. It was moments like these when he was glad that he had this man. He always managed to stay in control, to stay strong and keep his emotions in check. He guessed this came with age, as he definitely wasn't like that in his younger years. It seemed lately the roles had switched. Usually it was Remus who stayed in check, but now he could barely manage to keep himself going.

His partner could sense this. How he worried about the man in his arms. There was nothing he wanted more than to take his troubles away. He knew that could only be done by finding Harry. He was deeply worried about the boy. He couldn't imagine what he would do if something happened to him.

"We need to go to him." Remus whispered.

"We will." he knew they had waited long enough.

"Tomorrow, we need to go tomorrow. I cant wait anymore."

Remus looked up into his partners eyes. He needed to see that he agreed with him. He smiled lightly, he could tell he did. 

"I promise Love. Tomorrow."

He pulled the man even closer to him, covering him from the outside world, letting him forget for just a minute. Remus relaxed into the embrace, he didn't know what he would do without him.

"Its time to go down Love." the man whispered to Remus. If this wasn't enough, he hated that the man still had the fall moon to deal with. Remus nodded into mans shoulder. In silence they made their way down to the basement. It had been magical fortified as a save place to keep him. It was devoid of any furniture, they had tried keeping a bed, but even that had proved dangerous. Remus still didn't like him to stay with him, even though he had been doing it for many years. Every now and again they would argue over this, but he had always stayed. He would not leave him.

With only a minute to go to the moon rose, Remus stood in the centre of the room and turned to his mate. Taking a few steps forward to close the space between them he crashed his lips hungrily against the mans. The kiss was passionate and burning, he needed the strength this kiss gave him. His partner responded with just as much hunger, each holding onto the realness it offered them.

With the light of the moon creeping into the basement they broke apart. Eyes locked the man spoke.

"I love you Remus."

It a simple phrase, but it meant so much more to the two men. It was their promise, their promise to look after each other, to give each other what they needed. Remus smiled, he knew everything would turn out okay eventually, this man would make sure of it.

"I love you to Sirius."


	3. Chapter 3

_WARNING!! - ok, this chapter contains scenes of rape that some people may find distressing and difficult to read. althougth this is an important scene in the story you are more than welcome to skip. although, be warned, you will miss another peice of important information. thats ur warning, to those who continue, enjoy!!_

_and sorry for the long wait, i have another story on the go and it has taken up my time. this will be finished tho!!_

**Chapter Three**

Harry awoke, startled and confused, to a bright light illuminating his room. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he stared at the empty doorway. He sighed heavily and slowly climbed out of his bed. No doubt this was one of Dudley's feeble attempts to wind him up. With only an hour or so to go before the house awoke, he cursed at being woken. He shivered as a cold draft hit his bare feet as he approached the door. With one hand on the handle, he froze mid way through closing it. His head turned as he ears picked up small sounds pf movement from the hallway. Harry stood still, gripping the door still. He jumped as a huge figure appeared with more speed than he thought possible in front of the room. The figures moustache twitched threateningly.

"Where do you think you are going boy!" His Uncle Vernon barked. Harry relaxed slightly and let out the breath he had been holding in. for a fleeting moment he had suspected a Death Eater attack. His heart had literally stopped beating in his chest. He let his grip on the door drop.

"No where Uncle." He answered simply. Vernon smiled a toothy grin and a small amount of air hissed out between his teeth. Taking a step forward, he moved just inside Harry's bedroom.

"Too right your not."

Harry backed away from.

"You see Harry," He carried on, taking yet another step forward into his room. Being the small room that it was, Vernon's large figure seemed even larger than it normally did. "Your staying right here." His grin grew even wider.

"Okay." Harry managed to force out, lost for any better words. He had never seen this type of look on his Uncle's face before. Usually he looked at Harry with a particular type of loathing reserved especially for him. Now, he looked almost excited. It wasn't a look Harry liked to see, especially when aimed at him. He had seen a look like that before, on Death Eaters moments before they intended to hurt, torture and kill.

"There's no need to be scared Harry, we're just going to have a little talk." Vernon turned and closed the door, chuckling as he did so. Harry knew he should try and find his wand. A lack of pressure at the side of his thigh told him it was not in his pocket. He could almost hear Moody's voice, scolding him for not keeping his wand close at all times. Eyes darting to his bed, he spotted it poking out from underneath his pillow. He made a step sideways as Vernon made to approach him yet again.

"I had an interesting conversation with Dudley this afternoon Harry." He sneered. Harry felt like he had been dunked in cold water. It felt like his blood had stopped flowing and he visibly shuddered. All thoughts of obtaining his wand vanished in an instant. Vernon chuckled. The fear in the boys eyes was evident. He almost felt pity for the boy. Almost.

"He told me about your little fantasies." His voice dripped with satisfaction from the reaction his words were gaining him. Moving closer, he now stood directly in front of his nephew. Although Harry was taller than he was, he was skinny and frail. His limit on food ensured that. Reaching out a hand, he gently trailed a finger down the side of Harry's cheek. He laughed as Harry flinched from the contact.

Harry could barely breath. All logical thinking was lost, replaced by a complete and controlling fear deep within his chest. Some part of him knew what was coming and was screaming at him to run. Run as fast and as hard as he could, to get out. Yet he stayed, rooted to the spot. The boy who had fought and survived many a death eaters, even Lord Voldemort himself, was too wracked with fear to even move a finger. He could feel his Uncle his head closer, his warm breath brushing against his ear made his stomach churn.

"Relax boy, He whispered, planting a light kiss against his exposed neck. Run, run now, his while body screamed. "Lets see if we can help with some of those fantasies." there was no hint of question on his voice, it was a demand. Harry's eyes widened on shock and, if possible, even more terror. Only one thought then went through his mind. Wand.

Breaking free of his paralyzed state, Harry dived for his bed. He knew it was his only chance to stop this before it started. He heard a bark like laugh and felt an oversized arm go around his neck. A searing pain went through his until skull. He vaguely registered a warm trickling going down the back of his neck before a wave of darkness engulfed him. Vernon stood, grinning like a mad man, looking at the unconscious body that was Harry. He lay crumpled against the wardrobe, blood seeping through his skull from the contact with wood.

"Your mine!" He sneered and chuckled, his chubby hands reaching down to an already battered body.

It was early morning when Remus changed back to his human form. His limbs ached from the strain of the transformation and all he desired was to sleep in a warm, comfortable bed. This had not been the case though, for as soon as he and Sirius had woken, a call went out for an Order meeting. The two had instantly apparated over, struck with fear that it had something to do with Harry. Today was the day they planned to go and see him, no matter what. It took little less that half an hour for everyone to arrive. The faces of the Order were mere shadows of what they had used to be. Where once happy and lively people usually sat, where tired and troubled people. Each having experienced their own share of loss and hardships. Tonks smiled weakly as she took a place next to Remus. It had been a long time since they'd ever considered having feelings for each other, both agreeing they would be better kept as friends. Still, he cared for this woman. Her hair, usually a vibrant shade of pink or purple, was a dull shade of brown, showing the strain her, and all others, really were under.

"Ahem." Came a small cough from the front of the room. Everyone's attention immediately turned to the Hogwarts Headmaster. The usual twinkle of light in the mans eye was missing. Sirius's throat dried, only a severe amount of bad news ever vanished that spark. He felt a small hand close around his under the table, and squeezed back.

"I apologize for the early call but something important had has happened." His sad eyes cast around the room. "The muggle Prime Minister has been killed by Death Eaters." A collective gasp and whispers exploded around the room. They all knew how severe this was. It was well know that Voldemort had managed to infiltrate the Ministry of Magic, but with control over muggle government, he potentially had control over everything in both worlds.

"But Kingsley?" Tonks called out. It had been Kingsley's job to guard the Prime Minister, along with another group of highly trained Aurors. Dumbledore bowed his head.

"No." Came a whispered responses.

"What will happen now Albus?" Asked Severus. Long cleared of all doubt of being a Death Eater, Snape was a valid member of the Order.

"I do not know. Voldemort has seized control over both Governments, I can only imagine what horror he is planning to inflict." The murmurs continued. "We Must stay strong, we must-" He stopped mid sentence.

A loud and piercing alarm rang through the entire building, causing many members to cover their ears. All colour seemed to drain from Albus's face. With a quick movement of his hand the alarm ceased.

"What was that!" Exclaimed Sirius.

"I would think an alarm is pretty easy to recognise." Sneered Snape. The dislike between these two men had never really stopped, no matter how many times they were force to work together.

"Listen here you," Sirius started, but was silence by a gesture from Dumbledore.

"Enough! This is not the time!" Everyone in the room stared in shock, none ever hearing him use such a tone before. "That was a warning alarm connected to a ward placed around Harry's home."

Remus tightened his grip on Sirius's hand. Please god, no.

"This is not the alarm for a magical attack nor anything related to Voldemort!

The room sat confused. If not Voldemort then what?

"DURSLEY!" A yell rang out. Sirius stood fuming and stared at Dumbledore. He knew this was going to happen yet he still allowed the boy to go that hell whole. If anything happened to Harry. Dumbledore sighed, confirming his suspicions.

"Sirius, Remus, go." Neither needed anymore encouragement. Before anyone else in the room could say a word, they apparated away, both praying they weren't going to be too late.

Tears fell freely down the side of Harry's face, he no longer cared to try and hold them in. He had woken from unconsciousness with a pounding pain in his head and found himself on a soft mattress. For a moment he dared to think that it had all been a dream, a terrible and frightening dream. Then he felt it, a mouth, a pair of lips, moving slowly up his legs and thighs. He tried to scream but found his moth gagged and covered. His arms and legs bound, prevented any sort movement. It was the he realised he was on his front, back up, no clothes on at all. He whimpered against his bound, trying to break free.

"Shhh, I know you'll enjoy it." A sly voice said from above him. He felt a hand run down his back and tried to move away. Damn these bonds! He felt the tears coming and tried to will them away. He couldn't understand why this was happening to him. He wished for his friends, for his teachers, for his Godparents, anyone to come. What were they going to think after they knew what was happening to him.

It was then he felt the hand move lower, trailing down a line until it reached its destination. Fear ripped through Harry as he felt the intrusion of a finger, then two, then three. He wanted to scream, to shout and yell with everything his lungs would allow. Slowly his uncle removed his fingers and Harry begged for him to be done.

"Now relax my boy, I know you liked that." He felt him move his face near Harry's ear. He closed his eyes as tight as he could, not wanting to see that face. "You love it, you want more of it." He sneered. As he moved his head away, Harry prayed one last time for someone to come. As something warm touched Harry's entrance all he could do was hold his breath. In one forceful movement he felt his Uncle push into him. Pain soared through him and he cried. The slap of skin could be heard echoing around the room as he pounded in and out of the boy.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Vernon cried out. The boy was new, tight, his. Harry could feel the body above him shake as he reached his climax, emptying himself inside Harry. The tears continued to fall. He felt hands untie his bonds and hoped beyond hope he was being let go, but he should of known better than to hope. Even without the rope, Harry was too weak to fight off his Uncle as he was flipped over. Daring to open his eyes he saw the lust in his Uncles face and shuddered, closing them again.

"We're not done yet Harry." The voice cackled. Too deep in hysteria, Harry could not move as the lips of his Uncle yet again descended down on him. Taking Harry whole in his lips, he felt the warm cavern that was his Uncles mouth around him. His sobs only increased. Harry' own body betraying him, he could not stop himself as his own climax came.

"Did you enjoy that?" His Uncle moved his face directly above Harry. "I know you did. Does the whore want more?"

Harry cried and cried. Vernon laughed. It was then that they both heard the thunder of footsteps and the shout of Harry's name. with a resounding crash the door to the room was flung open right off of its hinges. Vernon snarled and climbed off of the boy below him. In the doorway stood two men, both pointing wands directly at his face. Harry did not dare even look, dare even hope that they were here to help him.

The sight that met Sirius's eyes sickened and sadden him. Before him stood Harry's Uncle, red faced and furious, glaring at the two of them. But he barely even saw that. All his eyes could see was the shaking form of his godson, beaten, bruised and bleeding on the bed, completely devoid of clothes. It didn't take a genius to know what had happened.

"YOU BASTARD!" He roared, launching himself straight at the Dursley. Forgetting his wand he opted for his fists. This man would pay for the pain he had caused his godson. Between the punches and the bites, the two men found themselves fighting with all their might in the hallway of the house.

Remus stood transfixed in the doorway of the room. He could smell blood clearly and taste the essence of sex of his tongue. His heart tore as he watched the shattered form of his godson. Harry didn't once look up to see who was there, as he climbed gingerly from the bed. He did not notice himself pull a blanket along with him and wrap it around himself. All he wanted was to escape. To escape the room, the feel of his Uncles breath, his touch. He pushed himself into the corner of the room, covering his head with his hands. Why, why him? Sobs continued to leave his mouth. He could feel the blood still falling from the wound to the back of his head. He didn't hear as footsteps approached him.

"Harry?" Remus placed a light hand on Harry's shoulder and jumped back in shock at the shriek that the boy let off. He hurriedly tried to back even further into the corner.

"Harry, it's Remus. We're here to take you away, me and Sirius." He tried to assure the boy.

"No, No, Please no." Harry muttered, rocking himself back and forward. He could hear a voice reassuring him, a light touch rubbing his arm. He knew that voice but couldn't trust his own judgement. He wanted so badly for the man he thought was there to be real. If he only opened his eyes he would know, but fear gripped him. He couldn't bare to see his Uncle's face again. So he cried and he rocked, hoping it would go away.

Remus couldn't remember a time he had been more scared. He knew there was little he or anyone could do for this boy. He knew that what was stolen form his could never be replaced.

"Harry, it really is me. Please Harry, open your eyes." A small flicker of hope went through Remus's chest as he saw the boy finally open his eyes. What he saw in them cut him like a knife. The usual vivid green wasn't there, replaced by a dullness, a lifelessness.

"Remus?" Harry stuttered out. The man nodded back at him.

"Oh god." Was all Harry could say as he launched himself into the mans arms. He clung to him and Remus clung to him in return. Both boy and man sobbed, both knowing everything was about to change.

_please review! xx_


	4. Chapter 4

-1_Sorry this took so long to come, as I said before, other stories going on. Thank you so much to people who have reviewed me so far. They are really appreciated and it is nice to know my work is liked. Please keep them coming. Also, some have said they can guess what they think is going to happen. Please tell me what you think will or any ideas that you have. You never know, I might add it in. It really would be a great help to see what you would like so I can appeal to people more. And if you guess right, I might even tell you so. Sneak peaks much. Anyway, enough rambling, enjoy the chapter. It might seem a little Sirius/Remus centric to the start, but I want to show the effect this sort of thing has on other people, not just the victim._

_Once again, I own nothing!!!_

**Chapter Four**

By the time Sirius had finished with the Dursley he was nothing more than a bloody pulp. He felt no remorse or regret for his violent actions. The scum had deserved everything that he had gotten, and most certainly more. At some point Harry's Aunt had appeared, yelling and hollering in her high pitched voice. Sirius had barely noticed her. To preoccupied with beating very inch of the man he could get his hands on. Of course, using his wand would have been a much quicker and simpler way of getting the man away from his Godson, but this was much more satisfying. This was only the start of the pay pack that the man deserved. With bloodied hands he left the woman to cradle her beaten husband, finished with him for now. He cared not for her frantic sobs. Running back down the hallway, he rushed to find Harry again. The sight that met his eyes as he came in to the room tore his heart apart. Cradled in Remus's arms was the shaking form of Harry. The sound the boy made as he cried filled the room and seemed to magnify a hundred times in Sirius's ears. Even the most cold hearted Death Eater would have trouble not to saddened by it. Harry's hands clung to the front of Remus's robes, as he buried his face into the mans chest.

Sirius did not recognize this child. His Harry was strong, fearless; facing everything that life threw at him, always coming out the other end with a smile. No, this was not the Harry that he knew. It was this second that Sirius realized the full extent of the damage that had been done. Not only physically, but mentally as well. The Boy Who Lived had been broken and he just hoped that he would be able to fix him. He approached the two forms and put his arms around them both. He could feel Harry's shudders and shakes through his own body.

"What have they done to him?" Remus whispered, holding onto Harry with all his might. The wolf inside him whined mournfully. He vaguely felt Sirius's arms tighten around them even more.

"We need to get him out of here." He heard Sirius say. He nodded weakly. The warmth left him and Sirius made to quickly gather Harry's possessions. Sirius couldn't help but sigh as he did this. Most of Harry's belongings were hidden away almost out of sight completely. No doubt that was down to some ridiculous rule made by the Dursley's. Sirius hated that Harry was forced to live with people who forced him to hide who he really was. He set about chucking in various books and equipment into the trunk he pulled from under the bed. He let Remus stay with Harry, knowing he shouldn't be left alone for a even a second right now.

As hard as he tried, Harry could not get the tears to stop falling. He could taste the saltiness of it on his tongue, along with the taste of something that he dare not think about. He could still feel the mans warm breath on him, his fingers on his skin. His whole skin crawled like a thousand small insects were burying beneath it. His eyes stung form the force of his tears and his breath was reduced to nothing but sharp rasps. With each passing second, his head throbbed and spun more and more. He knew he should tell Remus so he could fix the wound to his head, but words were beyond him right now. He could not understand what he had done wrong. Surely he had not deserved it. Whether from the blow to his head or simple denial, Harry had forgotten the truth Dudley had revealed to his Uncle. So he clung to the man in front of him, not wanting to release the only thing that made any sense to him. His Godfathers were here, the two men he trusted most in the world. He barely heard the shuffling and scraping sounds around him. Soon, he let his eyes close, as his body finally gave into the lure of unconsciousness and the welcome blackness.

Sirius placed the last of Harry's items in his trunk and turned back to the pair. Harry had ceased crying and his body hung limp in Remus's arms. With a wave of his wand he sent the trunk to their home. There was no way in hell that he was taking Harry to the Order. Placing an arm around Remus's shoulder, he disapparated, not giving a second thought to anyone else in the house.

The three arrived almost instantly, apparating into the dimly lit library. Remus immediately placed Harry down on one of the more comfortable sofas located in the room. Even in sleep though, Harry kept a tight grip on the front of Remus's robes, so he sat with the boy curled up across his lap. Sirius stood watching from a few feet away. He watched as Remus carded his fingers through Harry's hair, helping to keep the boy sleeping calmly. He smiled ever so slightly. He knew that if anyone could get Harry through this it would be Remus. He had such a soft, warm side that had an effect on the people around him. He had a soothing type of presence. Sirius smile faded from his face. Not like him at all. He was the rash one, choosing to deal with things with his fists. He was abrupt and suspicious, always had been. As he continued to watch Harry sleep his eyebrows knitted in a frown.

He knew he should have been there to start with, before any of this had chance to happen to him. It sickened him to think of what Harry had been put through but he could not get the image of seeing his Uncle over him like that out of his head. He was young, far too young, to have suffered through something like that. He unknowingly clenched his fists against his sides and began to pace a few steps in either direction, he didn't notice as Remus watched him from the sofa. Any over time he would of gone to Sirius, tried to calm him down, but he knew there was nothing that was going to make him feel better. He watched as Sirius ran a hand frustrated through his hair, making it stand oddly on end. He knew how the man felt. He felt it too. The wolf inside was screaming with anger but for once, Remus himself was more mad than the wolf could ever be. He smiled slightly at Sirius as he cast a look at him, but it did not extend to his eyes. The smile Sirius forced in return did not either. As much as he knew he should not blame himself, he could not help it.

Ever since James and Lily had died, he had sworn he would be there for Harry. That he would protect their only child. He knew now that he had failed. That miserable excuse for a muggle had taken from him and it was something that he could never give the boy back.

"It's not fair!" He exclaimed all of a sudden and swung his foot out at the nearby table. Being small in size it flew straight into the air and landed rather loudly against the nearby wall. One of the legs splintered and fell off completely. Sirius stormed quickly out of the room, flinging the door wide open as he went. With thundering steps he descended down the stairs. Remus sat shocked and surprised at the sudden out burst. He guessed he shouldn't really be though. Sirius never did handle anything that harmed the people he loved well. Remus looked down as he felt Harry stir and hoped Sirius's outburst wouldn't awake the boy. He needed his sleep right now, since he knew he would not find much within the next few weeks. As Harry shifted slightly, his grip in his robed loosened so that he could pry his hands off. Settling him comfortably across the sofa, he summoned a blanket and draped it over his body. Harry snuggled down against it and Remus felt secure to leave him for a few minutes. He knew he should go and find Sirius.

It didn't take him long to locate the man. As he walked down the stairs he heard the sound of yet another crash followed by the clink of china on wood. He opened the door to the downstairs kitchen and found a table over turned against the wall and a collection of dishes and plates broken across the floor. Sirius stood in the centre of the room with his hands firmly locked in his hair, his back to Remus. Remus honestly for once, did not know what to do.

"I know it's not." Remus said after a few minutes.

"What?" Sirius said, frowning as he turned around, dropping his hands form his head.

"What you said in the library. Its not fair. I said I know it's not." He stated simply. Sirius just stood still at that, locking eyes with his partner. In one swift movement he was in front of Remus, his hand roughly pulling his head forward to his. His mouth darted across the other mans, his tongue instantly seeking entrance. Remus responded instantly, moaning as the Sirius darted his tongue into his mouth. It was rough and forceful, but neither cared. Sirius used his other arm to push Remus roughly up against the nearby wall, leaning his body as tight as he could against him. His hand pushed his way under the mans shirt, feeling the skin beneath. Remus moved his legs apart slightly as Sirius leant his knee into the gap. Remus's arms came out across Sirius back, both of them running up under the mans shirt also. Sirius soon let his hand drop from Remus's head; the man no longer needed any encouragement. Instead he let it fall just above the waistband of the mans jeans before reaching down inside. He felt Remus moan into his mouth as he came in contact with his already hard erection. Remus nibbled on Sirius lower lip as he arched in pleasure. In firm, strong motions, Sirius soon brought him to his climax but neither once relented in their exploration of each others mouth. As pleasure waves spread through his body, Remus just deepened the kiss even more. Both hands going to his waist, he pulled the man even closer. Only when air became an object did the two finally stop. Both could feel their lips tingling still, ever so slightly from pain as well as pleasure. Their was raw anger in what they had just shared. Both knew that it was an outlet right now.

Sirius leant forward still, resting his forehead against Remus's.

"Sorry, I suppose this really wasn't the time." He said hoarsely.

"Do you see me complaining?" Remus said, bringing a hand up to lightly stroke at Sirius's cheek. "I'm just as angry as you." He felt Sirius nod against him. He used his hand to pull the mans face to look at him.

"It will be okay."

"How can you possibly say that?" Sirius asked desperately.

"Because he is where he belongs now, he is with us." He assured the man. He knew they had a lot of work to do to make Harry okay, but he also knew that Harry would be safe here. He would do everything in his power to help the boy and he knew Sirius would as well.

"I just wish we had got their sooner, then this would never of happened."

"I know, I do too, but it has. All we can do is take it one day at a time and look forward. Look at what we can do in time to come, not what we can't change from the past."

Sirius smiled and kissed the man softly. Always the one with his head screwed on right.

"I love you, you know that?" Sirius said.

"I love you too Sirius."

Remus went forward for another kiss but quickly pulled back as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He knew it had to be Harry; there was no one else in the house. Sirius moved back, putting a small amount of distance between them. Harry knew about their relationship and had already made it clear that he had no objections to them. Still, this was not the time for him to walk in on them. Only a few moments later did the door open and Harry walked into the room. Remus was slightly confused to where he had got clothes from, but remembered that his trunk was brought in the same room as him. He must of awoken and looked for some. It was only now that he could be seen in normal light that the pair could see how ill the poor boy really looked. Most of which was not caused by the events of that night. He was terribly skinny, more than he should be even with his naturally lanky frame. He had dark circles around his eyes and his skin was far too pale. He also looked slightly unsteady on his feet.

"Woah, what happened in here?" Harry asked, casting a look around the room. The table was flung to the side and it looked like someone had got highly angry with it.

"My fault." Sirius mumbled. Harry laughed weakly and stared at the floor. His Godfathers were watching him intently, studying him. He hated it. He knew why they were doing it. They wanted to see if he was okay, how screwed up he was. He could laugh. Screwed up.

"Are you okay Harry?" Remus asked softly, moving beside the boy and placing a hand on his shoulder. Harry winced slightly at the question. He knew he would be hearing it a lot from now on.

"I'm fine." He lied. He knew he wasn't.

"Your not." Sirius stated. It wasn't in an angry tone or to reprimand him. It was a simple statement.

"Your right, but I really don't want to talk about it." He replied, running a hand down the back of his head. It was throbbing slightly and starting to annoy him. He brought his hand back down without even casting a look at it. Remus's nose twitched and he looked to see the blood now staining Harry's hand.

"Harry?" He said, lifting the hand up. The blood was fresh. He looked to the back of Harry's head and could see blood oozing up through his hair. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it straight away.

"What?" Sirius asked, moving towards the two. Harry just stared at his hand looking at the blood. Of course he knew where it came from. The bash to his head had cut it open and his headache told him it was pretty bad. He wasn't shocked to see the blood their. As he stared at the blood all he could see was the cause. Hands roughly grabbing him and a fall against a hard surface, then blackness. He remembered waking up and then. He stopped. He wouldn't let himself think of it. He snapped out of his memory as he heard Remus trying to talk to him.

"No wonder your so pale."

Harry knew he must of lost a lot of blood from it. He guessed only a lifetime supply of torture and injury kept him conscious at this point. He had endured worse he knew.

"Sit down Harry." Remus said, guiding Harry to a chair. As Remus disappeared out of the room to fetch some supplies to clean his wound. Sirius knelt down in front of his Godson. He had seen the wound to the back of his head himself and had felt a lump of panic rise in his chest. It was a wonder Harry was able to stand with an attack like that to his skull. Even though Harry had told him that he didn't want to talk about it, Sirius knew they had to start somewhere.

"How did that happen?" He asked, hoping he would reply. He knew Harry would not want to openly talk about it yet, but perhaps starting with a few facts would be a start.

"He pushed me down, it think I hit the wardrobe." Harry replied, not looking up to meet his eyes properly though. He knew what Sirius was doing. He wanted him to talk about it. He hoped that going along for a few minutes would be enough for him to leave him be later. Sirius just nodded in reply. He watched as Harry fiddled with his hand, picking at the blood that was now drying on his skin. Sirius stood and got a cloth from the rack and ran it under warm water at the sink for a few seconds. Kneeling back in front of Harry, he took his hand in his own and wiped the area clean. Harry sat and watched as he did, not offering any more explanation. As Sirius tossed the cloth back towards the sink, he noticed how Harry's body had started to slump forward in his seat. Fearful that the loss of blood was starting to effect him, he placed a hand on each shoulder and gently pushed him back up.

"You alright?" He asked worried.

"I'm just tired." Harry replied, smiling slightly at the man.

"Well once Remus has cleaned you up, you can go up to the spare room. Its yours for as long as you want it."

"I -" Harry started the stopped. Sirius motioned for him to continue. "I wanted to have a shower or something first."

"Sure." Sirius replied. He didn't need any elaboration. He could not guess how Harry was feeling right now but a shower would definitely be at the top of his list.

"Thanks Sirius." Harry said quietly. Something in his voice told Sirius that he wasn't just referring to the spare room.

"It's no problem Harry." He was taken back for a second as Harry flung himself forward into his arms, but tightened his hold around the boy all the same. He felt Harry sigh against him, a sound that he suggested he was fighting back tears.

"You don't have to be ashamed to cry." Sirius soothed.

Outside the doorway, Remus smiled as he listened to the two together on the other side. His smile grew as he heard the comforting words that Sirius gave Harry. He had to admit, he was impressed at how Sirius had asked the cause of the wound while effectively skating the major issue. Sirius wasn't as bad at this as he led himself to believe. Pushing the door open, he knew he shouldn't wait any longer to attend to Harry's injury. He saw Harry move away from Sirius and wipe his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying. He knew that was the first thing that needed fixing. He didn't need to worry about crying around them or letting it out.

"Ready Harry?" He asked, ignoring what he had just seen. He positioned himself behind and picked up what he would need. He saw Harry nod his head in reply. It amazed him how he could move his head so easily with such a gash to it. It took quite a long time for him to clean up the mess since a lot of the blood had dried into his hair. After finally managing to clean it all he bandaged the area and wrapped a gauze around his head to keep it in place. He placed a spell over the area to make it impervious to water so he could still shower easily. Harry stayed still and quiet throughout the entire time, even though Remus knew it must of hurt him.

"Here, drink this." He said, handing a potion vile out for Harry to take. Harry did not need to ask what he was taking. He had seen a blood replenishing potion many times before. As Remus tidied the cleaning items, he asked Harry if he had anymore injuries. He shook his head.

"Any pains except for your head?" He saw Harry fidget awkwardly and understood that he did not want to answer. He knew it was a yes. He cast a look to Sirius who nodded at him.

"This should help." He passed another vile to Harry. It was ice blue in colour and sat thickly in the bottle. "It's a pain relief potion." He added, seeing the suspicious look that Harry was giving the bottle. Harry downed the contents without another word. He was glad that Remus had not pressed him on what his pains were. Thinking about the hurt only brought back the still too raw images.

"Thanks." He said, handing the no empty bottle back. After placing it back on the side, Remus and Sirius simply sat and watched Harry in silence. It began to make him feel uncomfortable. He knew they were only concerned for him but he did not want, did not need their sympathy.

"Please stop worrying." He said quietly once he could take it no longer.

"It's our job to worry Harry." Sirius relied matter of factly.

"I'll be fine." Harry tried to reassure them. In truth, he knew he could not make that statement, at least not yet. He did no know if he would be okay. Right now, everything seemed so surreal, like a waking dream. He knew things would become very real very soon though. Remus and Sirius had no trouble picking up on the doubt that etched his voice.

"You will be." Remus said strongly. He would make sure of it.

"You're here now, that's all that matters. We will look after you." Sirius said, squeezing Harry's shoulder in support. Harry smiled weakly and then stretched, letting out a yawn from exhaustion.

"Come on, I'll show you where the spare room is." Remus said, leading Harry towards the door. It wasn't really a spare room, they had always intended for it to be for Harry as soon as they could get him away from the hello hole at the Dursley's. Assuming that is that Harry wanted it. Remus decided that he would not try to force anything out of Harry tonight. The worst was yet to come and knew things would not be as easy as they seemed tonight. Harry would need his rest. Just as they reached the door, Harry turned back round and looked at both of the men in turn.

"Thank you, for coming to get me." He somewhat forced out, feeling small tears threaten to fall.

"We're always here for you Harry. Anytime, any place." Sirius answered supportively. Remus nodded his head in agreement. Harry smiled and then chuckled.

"At least I'm not a girl." He said, attempting to make a small joke. Remus and Sirius frowned at him, confusion evident on both of their faces.

"I don't have to worry about being pregnant." He joked. He knew that perhaps it was not the time to joke, but he knew somehow he had to find a bright side. Even if it was small, even if it was silly. He chuckled again and turned, walking out through the door. He never saw the frightened look that both Sirius and Remus had on their faces.


	5. Chapter 5

-1_Next chapter! I__'__m on a bit of a roll at the moment so expect the chapters to come along a lot quicker than before. I__'__ve been reading some slash stories lately and my inspiration seems to be flowing. So__…__ I think its time we got the ball rolling with our pairing here. There__'__s still plenty to come with the rape and the after effects so some of this will start to come out, but lets see if you can see the little hint I put in here for the relationship. Its nothing big, very small infact, but it__'__s a little something to show the start of some feelings. don__'__t fret if you don__'__t see it, but trust me, it__'__s there!_

_Enjoy!!_

**Chapter Five**

It was early in the morning as Albus sat in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, the sun slowing creeping up through the windows and hitting the wooden surfaces. It had been a whole day since he had sent Remus and Sirius to go and collect Harry from the Dursley's home. He had heard no news what so ever from them since that time. He hoped beyond hope that Harry was okay. He knew it was mistake to ever send him back to that awful place. He was not oblivious to the poor treatment that the Dursley's gave him, but for the most part, he knew Harry had been safe there. He had a roof over his head for the past sixteen years and had been relatively happy. He didn't know how mistaken he was. He knew deep inside that he had made the right choice to send him back this summer. He had needed to return there at least once a year to re-establish the blood protection left behind from his late mother. Even so, he should of known something was amiss as soon as contact with him dwindled. He sighed heavily and ran a hand down the full length of his ever long beard. Please let him be okay. He was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of coughing from behind him. He turned but no one was there.

"Down here!" A voice snapped rather rudely. Albus lowered his eyes to the aging fireplace that's at behind his chair. A small gulp formed in his throat. Staring back at him was the face of Sirius Black, looking highly pissed off.

"Sirius." He said, tilting his head in greeting. "Did you acquire Harry?" He asked immediately, anxious to know what had been going on.

"Acquire! He is not an object to be collected!" Sirius fumed. How dare the man talk about Harry in that sort of way, he was a person, not a possession.

"Of course not." Albus corrected. He had to admit that he was a little afraid right now and that was saying something. An angry Sirius Black never boded well for anyone. Even more so when it was directed at you.

"But yes, we have him." Sirius continued. Albus let out a sigh of relief and smiled.

"That is good news. We shall arrange for Harry to be brought here as soon-"

Sirius cut him off with a loud, bark like laugh. Albus frowned at the weird reaction.

"If you think that he is coming anywhere near the Order then you are more mad that I thought you was."

"Sirius, he needs proper protection. Here, he would be safe." He tried to reason.

"Firstly, I am perfectly capable of keeping my own Godson safe. Secondly, I don't think Harry will ever be safe is he is around you."

Albus raised his eyebrows at that remark.

"What are you insinuating Sirius?"

"That every decision that you make that concerns Harry always ends with harm coming to him." Sirius bit. It was no secret that he disagreed with the headmaster greatly over the actions concerning Harry. The two men often clashed over the treatment of him. Everyone but Sirius and Remus were convinced that Albus was doing the right thing. He doubted that highly. He knew that the younger ones had the same view as him, all angry at being kept out of the loop when it concerned their friend. Sirius had often got in trouble for giving them information. That was another thing that angered Sirius. How their views were never taken into account, they were the next generation after all.

"I only do what is best for Harry." Albus replied, keeping an annoyingly calm tone.

"Sending him to the Dursley's was for the best?"

"You know as well as I, Harry needed to return there to keep the protection over him working."

"Yes I do know. I also know that he only needs to go there for a couple of days for that to happen, not weeks!"

"I can understand why you are upset-" Albus tried, before being cut off yet again. Sirius was the only person who ever dared to do that. Even Remus, who agreed with Sirius on his views, would never cut over the headmaster.

"Upset? Do you have any idea what that boy had been put through." Sirius barked, his anger getting the better of him. Albus stayed silent. "No, you don't."

"He will be safe now, he is away from there." Albus said regaining his voice.

"That is not even the point! Yes he might be away from there, but how does he get away from what that monster did to him!"

"There is something you are not saying Sirius." Albus said, removing his half moon classes and placing them on the table. He rubbed the bridge of his nose for a couple of seconds. He was not sure what Sirius was avoiding saying but he knew something had happened. Something awful.

"You want to know?" Sirius yelled. He could not keep his voice down any longer. He knew he should not betray Harry like this and it should be his decision who he told but he could not help it. The old man needed to know what he had done, what pain he had caused. "He raped him! That bastard of a Dursley raped Harry and is bloody lucky he didn't kill him from the gash he had to the back of his head!"

Albus sat in shock. Out of everything he could of guessed, he had not been expected that. He heard Sirius huff, satisfied that he had got he had got the message. Oh and had he got it. He felt sick to his stomach. He could not believe he had allowed this to happen. He forced his lips to work.

"Is Harry okay?" He asked. Not daring to meet eyes with Sirius, he kept that down cast.

"Of course he is not okay! He will stay here with us and I don't care what you say."

"Sirius, what has happened is tragic but Harry would be safer here, especially with the murder of the muggle Prime Minister."

"Aren't you listening! He is staying here."

"But-"

"No, I came to tell you that we have him and that is it. If I have any say, Harry will never be going near you again." With that, Sirius pulled his head back out form the fireplace, leaving a rather rattle Dumbledore on the other end. He had not meant to start any sort of conflict with the old man but just tell him they had got Harry. Something about the codger just wound him up terribly. It was down to Albus that Harry had been sent to that dreadful place to start with so, in Sirius's mind, that made him partly responsible for what had happened.

He sighed and stood up from the where he had been kneeling on the floor and rubbed the dust and soot from him trousers. That most definitely wasn't his favourite way to contact someone. The fireplace was located down one side of the library and was one of those cold fashioned brick types. They had placed cushions along the front, with a charm to protect from the flames, for occasions when it was in use this way. As Sirius made to turn and walk he was almost toppled over when a pair of arms grabbed him from behind. He smiled as he turned his head to see Harry holding onto him. Small tears were in his eyes but he had a smile on his face.

"Thank you." Harry said as he hugged the older man. He had come down from his room in search of one of his two Godfathers. He had not realised he had slept through the entire day and night. After three hours of not being able to close his eyes, Remus had brought him a Dreamless sleep potion so he could get some rest. He knew he would not be able to take it two nights in a row, but for last night at least, he had been able to forget. He had come down the first flight of stairs when he had heard the raised voices coming from a room down the hall. He remembered it as the library form the night before. At first he had thought that Sirius and Remus were the ones shouting. A small knot had formed in his throat at the idea of the two fighting with each other. Walking down the hall as quietly as he could, he had peaked his head around the door which stood ever so slightly a jar. He had been relieved to see that it was not the couple arguing. His relief had been short lived though for he soon recognized the other voice echoing through the fireplace. It was Dumbledore. He felt his blood go cold. For the last couple of years, his distrust of the man had grown and grown. At first, even he had been convinced that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, but he soon realised otherwise. Every move the man made turned out the worst for him. It was his determination that Harry stayed in the Triwizard Tournament that led to the death of Cedric Diggory. It was him keeping the prophecy a secret from him that meant he almost lost his Godfather in the Department of Mysteries. He could say quite easily, that he hated the headmaster. He had only heard the tail end of the argument, but it was enough to tell him what was going on. Dumbledore wanted him at the Order, well there was no chance of that happening. He was beyond happy when Sirius stood up for him and insisted he was staying with them.

"For what Harry?" Sirius asked, turning and hugging Harry back in return.

"For standing up for me, for letting me stay here and not sending me back to him."

Sirius smiled. Of course there was no where else that he would let Harry go. He had come to love his Godson greatly since they had met in his third year. He saw so much of James in the boy, but he was still his own person. In some ways the same, but in others, a million times superior. He knew James would be proud of his son.

"Your welcome here as long as you want."

Harry pulled back and smiled still. Sirius looked him up and down and was pleased to see Harry didn't look as pale as the night before, the blood replenishing potion having done it's work. He needed fattening up a bit but that was nothing that couldn't be fixed. He was more worried about what wasn't on the surface. He dared to look at Harry's eyes. It seemed Harry guessed what he was looking for and made a point of looking away. Sirius sighed but said nothing. Instead he placed and arm around Harry's shoulders and suggested they go look for Remus. Harry nodded in agreement. For some reason, as soon as Sirius placed his arm around his shoulder his skin had started to crawl, this confused Harry. It had not been like that the night before. He had touched him, hugged him and not felt like that. Had he not just hugged Sirius himself a minute before. He could not hold in his sigh of relief when Sirius finally let go. Something that wasn't commented on, but was definitely noticed by Sirius.

It did not take long to find Remus, who was hiding out in the kitchen. He was slumped over in his chair, the newspaper propped up against a couple of cups. He had a mug of coffee steaming next to him and his eyebrows were furrowed as he read.

"Since when do you drink coffee?" Harry asked as he walked through the door. Remus nearly knocked the mug off the table in surprise.

"Oh, god, you scared me. Erm, I don't know, last couple of weeks." He said, folding up the newspaper and placing it down. He didn't really know why he was still drinking it. He guessed it was starting to grow on him. As he went to take a gulp of the hot liquid he gave a small wince in pain.

"What's up Moony?" Sirius asked, smacking the man on the back. Remus winced even more.

"Back ache." He said giving Sirius a pointed look, who shrugged his shoulders in apology.

"Not as resilient as you used to be old Moony." Sirius teased, grabbing a piece of toast off of the side.

"No, I think it had more to do with you kicking me last night."

"I cant help it, limbs tend to get in the way when-"

"Argh, don't even finish that sentence!" Harry jumped in. As much as he tended to fantasize over the two men himself, he still didn't really want to hear that finished that time of the morning. Sirius just grinned and winked at his Godson. Remus smiled and shook his head but stopped when his back gave another painful twinge.

"Here," Harry said, standing behind Remus. Remus was a little confused as to what Harry intended to do but stayed where he was all the same. Harry placed a hand on either of his shoulders and brought them down and across slowly, digging his thumbs in slightly as he did. Remus couldn't help but smile at how good it felt. He could feel small tingles running up his spine and was surprised at how much he enjoyed Harry's touch. He soon felt his shoulders loosen and his muscles seemed less tight. When Harry stopped and went back to his seat he was smiling.

"Better?" He asked, leaning one of his hands on his chin.

"Yeah, how did you do that?" Remus asked. His back really did feel ten times better.

"Hermione did it once." Harry said off handed, taking a bite of a piece of toast. Remus was silently glad they weren't having to force Harry to eat something.

"Do I want to know what you and Hermione were up to when she did that?" Sirius teased, nudging Harry in the side. He swatted the man away and tutted.

"Nothing that you are thinking of. I pulled a muscle after Quidditch practice, she was helping." He said. He honestly though nothing of it. He was well aware of the attraction between her and Ron and never thought of them as anything more than friends. Sirius raised an eyebrow and made a disbelieving sound. Remus hit him lightly with the newspaper.

"Leave him alone Sirius."

"What! I swear the girl has a crush on him."

Harry couldn't stop what came out next. "She doesn't have a crush on me, she knows im gay." Harry dropped the piece of toast and put his hands over his mouth. Shit! He could not believe he had let that slip out like that. He hadn't told anyone apart form Hermione and the girl had pretty much guessed that herself anyway. Sirius and Remus looked just as shocked at what he had said as he was. It was not they minded, how could they when they too were, it was just a shock to hear it come from Harry. Before either man could form a response, Harry had darted out of his seat and ran out of the room. They could hear his footsteps go up the stairs and the opening and closing of his bedroom door. Both were too dumb struck to think of following him.

"Erm, shocking." Sirius forced out. Remus could only nod. It took a couple of minutes for the two men to pull themselves out their haze. Sirius laughed and Remus stared at him.

"I should of guessed." Sirius said to explain. Remus still didn't catch on. "I thought he just didn't have time for a girlfriend, should of realised."

"Well he obviously didn't even want us to know."

"Why would we care?"

"I don't know, but he looked horrified just now."

"He cant think we would mind, I mean, we'd be hypocrites or what if we did."

Remus just shrugged. He could honestly say this was a surprise to him. Not once had he suspected or even considered the idea. Of course he did not care. He was still Harry no matter what and as Sirius had said, neither of them had any room to disagree with his choices.

"I wonder how many u boyfriends he has had." Sirius mused, earning yet another smack form the newspaper.

"Okay, that is getting annoying. Why you do that?"

"Because I know exactly where your train of thought will wonder off to. Don't you even dare ask him that." Remus scolded.

"Aw, but why not. Aren't you even the least bit curious?"

"No I'm not." Maybe a little. "You'll embarrass him even more than he already is."

Sirius huffed but agreed to keep his mouth shut. Remus knew he should never take his word on that.

"Maybe we should go talk to him." He decided. He didn't think leaving Harry alone right now was a good idea. Sirius nodded in agreement.

Upstairs, Harry was frantically pacing across his room. How could he be so stupid! He had spent the last couple of years hiding it from everyone, even Ron, how could he let it slip so easily. "Because you wanted them to know." He thought. No, not like that. He wanted to tell them, not blurt it out randomly. He slumped down on his bed and fell onto his back. Great Harry, one more problem for yourself. He guessed he would have had to do it sooner or later, perhaps it was better to just get it over with. He didn't think they would have a problem with it. Out of everyone, he knew they would be the ones who would understand. It was not that he didn't trust the rest of his friends, he just knew they wouldn't understand. He could almost imagine most of their reactions. Most of the school would react to him with disgust. Just the way his cousin had, just the way his Uncle had. Harry scrunched his eyes up. His Uncle. He should of know Dudley would never of kept his mouth shut. Had he known what his Uncle was going to do? No, Harry shook himself, he couldn't let himself think about it, but as much as he tried, he already was. He was already thinking about the door opening and the light shining in. He was surprised that he could almost remember his Uncle word for word. He stood up from his bed and paced the room, trying to take his thoughts else where but he couldn't. He could feel the brush of his Uncle's lips on his neck and his fingers on his skin. He wrapped his arms tightly around his chest. He stood on the spot and rocked. He saw the lights dance before his eyes as his head collided with something solid. His vision cleared and he was on a bed. He shook his head and tried to stop. Gripping the sides of his head he paced again, his steps in erratic directions. He knew if he didn't stop where his thoughts were taking him he would go to a place he didn't want to remember, not ever again.

"Don't think, don't think." He chanted over and over. He could see his Uncles lopsided grin and his condescending voice.

"Harry." Came a voice from outside the door, followed by a couple of knocks. Harry recognized who it was immediately. He backed up against the wall and slid his way down, bringing his knees up to his chest. The knocking became more insistent.

"Harry?" Sirius called through. He cast a nervous glace at Remus.

"Harry, we just want to talk." Remus tried, tapping at the door again. They both knew the door was unlocked, but thought it would be better to let him open it in his own time.

"Go away." Harry called out in reply, trying to keep his voice level. Needless to say, he failed miserably. Sirius instantly hit panic mode. He was expecting Harry to be embarrassed, perhaps a little upset about letting his secret slip, but Harry sounded outright afraid. He felt Remus take his hand briefly and squeeze it slightly, letting him know he had noticed as well. Putting out his hand, Sirius slowly pushed the door open. Harry didn't seem to even hear them come in. Something about the way Harry was sitting told the two adults that this was down to more than letting out he was gay. Remus saddened, he had known something like this would happen and it would not be the first time either. Who knew what would set off Harry to make him remember. He could only imagine how tormenting his memories must be, especially still being so raw. They approached him cautiously and kneeled down near, opting to keep a bit of distance though.

"Harry." Sirius said, hoping to get his attention.

"Please leave me alone." Harry said, shielding his face in his arms.

"No can do kid." Sirius dared to move a little closer to Harry.

"Please?" Harry said almost in question, but Sirius knew that Harry should not be left alone. Remus kept his distance, knowing it would be better for Harry to focus on one of them right now. Sirius might act like a child sometimes, but even he knew how to handle a delicate situation.

"Do you really want to be alone?" Sirius asked, moving closer still and choosing to sit against the wall next to Harry. Harry didn't move or make any response. He didn't really want to be alone. He didn't want his thoughts to wander, he didn't want to remember. Yet he wasn't ready to admit that he might need help. This was just another obstacle for him to overcome like anything that he had faced.

"No." He admitted eventually. He felt Sirius dare to put his arm around his shoulder. He could not help the shudder and the flinch that his body let off. He felt furious with himself. He knew his godfather would not hurt him. He had been there for him when no one else was, both of the two men had. He loved them, he was in love with them, he knew it. So slowly, he forced himself to relax and leant his head to the side, resting it against Sirius's shoulder. Sirius put his arm around the boy properly and pulled him against him as soon as he felt him become less tense. Remus watched the two carefully, especially Harry. He had seen Harry tense as soon as Sirius touched him as clear as anything. That was the first thing to watch out for.

"Feel like telling us why you ran off like that?" Sirius queried. Harry shrugged.

"Come on Harry, you can talk to us." Remus encouraged.

"I just, I didn't mean to say it."

"Did you think we would be mad?" Sirius asked.

"No." Harry said simply. He hated where he thought this conversation could go.

"Did you think we would object?" Remus tried.

"No, I knew you wouldn't mind. I just thought-" Sirius gave him a squeeze to continue. "I don't know what I thought."

This confused Remus. Harry seemed to be speaking honestly when he said that, but he obviously expected something, whether good or bad he didn't know.

"Where you scared to tell us?" He asked.

"No, nervous I guess."

Sirius could understand this. Even if he knew they would not mind, it must still be hard to have to tell some one. He understood that all too well. Neither him nor Remus had been found it easy to tell Harry's father when they first started dating back in their seventh year. They both knew him well enough to know that he would not mind, but it was difficult, to actually put it into words.

"We understand Harry." Remus said, as if knowing exactly what Sirius was thinking. They sat in silence after this, not one of them really knowing what to say. Sirius wanted to ask Harry the real reason why he was so upset. He wished that he could convince Harry to talk to them, to tell them what he was going through but he knew he could not outright ask. Remus was the same, he had heard the fear in Harry's voice when they had entered the room and wished he knew where Harry's mind had taken him. Harry wished that he could tell him the real reason why he was so afraid of them finding out. Them knowing was just one more step in them finding out his biggest secret.

"So, had many boyfriends then?" Sirius asked out of the blue.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed exasperated. Had he not made him promise not half an hour ago to not ask that question. Harry seemed to find it funny though and laughed. A sound that lightened both Remus and Sirius's hearts.

"What? It made him laugh didn't it." Sirius defended, ruffling Harry's hair. Remus could not disagree there. "So?" Sirius asked jokingly. He really hadn't asked the question for the answer, he wanted to take his mind off of whatever he had been thinking about and lighten the mood. He only wanted Harry happy.

"Not really." Harry admitted. He had never had a proper one.

"That didn't sound too convincing." Sirius teased. Harry blushed.

"I haven't, he wasn't my boyfriend."

"A fling?"

"Sirius, how crude." Remus scoffed.

Harry chuckled. He often wondered how two different people could survive each other, but any one could see with any amount of time with them, that they balance each other.

"It wasn't a fling. It was a kiss." Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, more than just one kiss but it wasn't a relationship."

"So who was it?" Sirius asked, starting to get generally curious now. Harry turned the darkest shade of red imaginable. Now Sirius started to get very curious. Harry muttered a name.

"Didn't catch that."

Harry took a deep breath. "Malfoy." He waited to for a yell or a scold but nothing came. When he looked up to Sirius, he rolled his eyes and tutted. The man was just about holding back a laugh. Even Remus seemed to find this amusing and was grinning even as hard as he tried not to.

"Go on, laugh it up." Harry said, leaning off of Sirius's shoulder, but not moving completely away.

"I'm sorry Harry but it is pretty funny. I thought you hated the guy." Sirius said, regaining his composure. Barely.

"I did, I do." Harry said confusingly. "He was a good kisser." He blushed again. All Sirius could do was aww.

"That's it." Harry said pushing himself up abruptly, taking Sirius by surprise. He looked at him in confusion. "Enough embarrassment." He said to clarify. Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, okay. Come on Sirius." Remus said, pushing himself off of the floor. It took a little effort, his body was still aching from the recent full moon. Harry was at his side so fast he started. He instantly put his hands under Remus's arms and helped lift him from the floor. He kept an arm around him even when he was standing. For a moment, Harry forgot everything except the fact that he had his arm around Remus' he was as close to him as he ever had been and felt content in how comfortable he felt. Remus couldn't help but notice the tingle on his body where Harry's hand was. It confused him slightly for a second but he let it pass. Sirius sat and watched the whole thing with a smile. It amazed him how tense Harry could be one minute and how at ease the next. He looked so comfortable standing with Remus. The two had always had a close bond, he was content that he was sure they had the same bond.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Okay, okay, finally! Here is the next chapter for you guys. Just so you know, this was actually painful to write. Who knew trying to get back into a plot could be so hard! But i'm back and i have all my ideas sorted out again so hopefully this will mean it will actually finished this century. lol. Please let me know what you think, if its moving too slow for you guys. **

**Warnings: Slash, like normal. **

**I would like to say a huge thanks to everyone who reviews me! This is by far my most popular story. I seriously considered abandonning this one but i decided i couldnt it to you lot. lol. And thanks to all the alerts and faves, it always nice when one pops up in my email box. **

**Chapter Six**

A week past with no more drastic incidents or troubles from Harry. It was a slow week though, and all three residents found it tense and sometimes frustrating. They were gradually learning to live together though and find their rhythm. On the outside, Harry seemed to be coping amazingly well. Neither Sirius nor Remus saw any hints to a breakdown or a flashback moment like the few days previous. They had, however, noticed smaller things. A change in smaller mannerisms that might of gone unnoticed by other people. Not by them though.

Sirius had noticed the change first. One evening he had walked past the houses library to see Harry inside. Peeking round the door he saw he was reading some sort of book. What was weird was how the younger man was sitting, his knees pulled up tight to his chest. Harry had never been one to sit so tight. On the contrary. He would always lounge out. Preferring by far to spread out and be stretched. He had frowned when he had caught onto this. This change worried him to the extent that he wasn't sure what to make of it, confused if it was important enough to bring it up to Harry. He also was confused as to when he started noticing such small things about his Godson. He did not think it was an overly big deal. He knew every small mannerism that Remus had and what any given movement meant. Surely it was no different. Except, of course, that Remus was his lover.

These changes had not gone unnoticed by Remus either, who too had started to notice differences in Harry's everyday habits. He had always known Harry to dress in a certain way. Namely he would wear jeans and some sort of thin top. Even in the dead of winter, he would dress like this, not even putting a jacket on. He seemed to be immune to the cold and Remus often wondered how he didn't freeze to death. Especially when he insisted on dressing the same even when flying his broomstick in the chilling air. He had noticed that the last few days though that he has taken to dressing differently. He had traded in wearing thin tops for more chunky jumpers that covered as much as was humanly possible. They hung heavily on his body due to them being his cousins second hand ones. Something Remus was intent on fixing very soon. The colours changed as well. A proud Gryffindor, Harry had always donned red clothing, along with other brighter colours although he tended to avoid the greens. The only colours Harry seemed to wear lately were black, dull colours such as grey and brown.

Remus did not think this change suited Harry at all. The bland colours dulled Harry's eyes, which were by far the bys most striking feature. He had always adored Harry' eyes and never thought anything of it. They were such a vibrant shade of green that light seemed to be drawn to them. Although, it struck him, he was never as mesmerized with Lily's eyes as he was with Harry's.

He decided that that fact wasn't worth dwelling on as he descended the stairs to the kitchen, hearing a lot of movement. Upon entering the room he found Sirius flitting about making what looked like pancakes. Remus smiled. Sirius loved nothing more than to cook. This had come as a shock to him when he first found out, but it was a welcome shock. It meant he rarely had to prepare a meal. Something he was glad of since he detested cooking. Walking up behind Sirius, he gently wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head upon his shoulder. Breathing in, he inhaled the scent that was completely Sirius. Even after the many years of being together, he still found that smell intoxicating.

Sirius smiled. He still felt tingles go up his spine whenever Remus touched him. He turned in his lovers arms and leant his head down to the smaller mans. Their lips met in a small kiss, sweet and loving.

"Morning Remy." Sirius said softly as they pulled away.

"Morning." Remus replied. He stood holding onto Remus for a few minutes as he turned back to making his pancakes, humming a tune as he flipped them. Soon Remus let go though, going search of the coffee. He really had become addicted to the liquid. A fact that both Sirius and Harry had found very amusing.

Just as he settled down at the table to read the newspaper, Sirius started putting plates on the table. It was only at that point that he noticed that Harry had yet to come down. He had woken his godson up over an hour ago.

"Seen Harry?" He asked Remus, who took tentative sip from his steaming coffee. The man shook his head. Looking up. He could see Sirius staring at the door worriedly. He chuckled under his breath.

"I'll go see where he is." He said, standing and folding back up the newspaper. Sirius gave him a warm smile as they moved past each other. Climbing up the flights of stairs, Remus began regretting giving Harry a room so high up. His legs weren't what they used to be anymore. Except around the full moon, then he seemed to have all the energy in the world. He was thank full that his last transformation for the month was over before Harry came to stay with them.

As he neared his destination, he could see the door to the room was firmly shut, telling him the boy was still inside. He always left the door open when he was out, he guessed he had picked the habit up at the Dursley's somehow. Walking up, he rapped his knuckles against the door in a knock. No sound came from inside the room so he tried again. After three attempts and no answer he started to get worried.

"Harry?" He called out tentatively, as he pushed on the door, relieved to see that it wasn't locked. Upon entering the room, he called out again. Eyes moving to the bed he saw the covers were pulled up and the bed made, showing Harry was at least awake. The room, however, was empty. His frown deepened. His fear clouding his usually heightened senses, he never heard the movement coming from the room to the side.

Harry climbed gingerly from the shower, the cool air attacking his skin after the warmth of the water. The tiled floor was cold against the bottom of his feet. Sirius had woken him ages ago but he had decided on a shower first. His head had felt heavy and foggy when he had awoken and he had felt scared. Something told him his dreams had not been pleasant last night, he was just thankful that he did not remember them. He pushed his ill thoughts aside, deciding he wasn't going to dwell. He knew it would only show and then Remus and Sirius would worry. He hated to worry them. Trudging somewhat slowly out of the bathroom, Harry jumped so hard that he nearly fell back through the door. Standing in the middle of his room was Remus. In the back of his head he was a little miffed that he hadn't heard him. He had always had good instincts.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" He asked before he could stop his words. Remus visibly started on the spot, wheeling round to face the boy. For a second it looked like he couldn't speak. Though the way he was looking at Harry was sending small shivers through him. It was almost like hunger, but then Harry cursed himself for even going there. Blinking his eyes he looked again and as he suspected, the look was gone.

"Sirius was worried, he said he woke you up over an hour ago so I was just checking you was alright." Remus said, seeming to regain his voice. Harry's heart couldn't help but sink a little. Being around them both hadn't helped his feelings, if anything it had made it worse.

"I'm sorry, I wanted a shower." Harry said in his defence, feeling bad that he had worried his godfather. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay." Remus said quickly, making an exit from the room like he had been shocked. Harry stared after him in his own state of shock. He hadn't ever seen him get so ruffled before. It actually looked like he was in a hurry to get out of the room. Harry's heart sunk, thinking maybe he didn't want to be around him. After he all, he was tainted goods. If he ever had a change before, he definitely didn't now. Why would someone want him after what his Uncle did to him? It took all of his will power to keep tears at bay as he searched out something to wear.

Closing the door behind him, Remus didn't allow himself to think until he was at least two floors away from Harry's room. He halted so fast mid step that he almost lost his balance. Then he let it hit him. How could he be so stupid! His own actions astounded him. He hadn't heard the bathroom door open and the sudden presence had surprised him. He would like to think that was his only cause for being so rattled, but then he knew it wasn't.

"_Remus John Lupin you just checked out your Godson!" _His mind near enough shouted at him. Remus ran a hand over his face. He hadn't been able to help himself. As soon as he had turned to see the by standing behind him there had been no denying that it was a pleasant sight. Though still too thin, Harry had a fine body. Toned, tanned and in exactly the right proportions. The way the towel Harry had slung around his waist… well Remus didn't trust himself to go there. Something inside of him had stirred, a sense of some sort of longing, an ache. It was unfamiliar to him. He knew how he felt when he looked at Sirius, he way his stomach turned and his heart fluttered with desire. It was understandable given he was his mate. Harry though, it was a different feeling, like something was lost and their was an ache to find it. Remus groaned. Sometimes he wished he could just ask the wolf what it wanted. Harry had always been referred to as his cub, but this, this definitely wasn't paternal feelings.

"Remus?" He heard someone say behind him. Closing his eyes briefly, Remus forced the thoughts to the furthest corner of his mind. Harry didn't need the stress of a confused old man. Anyway, it was probably just a fluke, close quarters and all that.

Harry felt like he should run, run as fast and as far as he possibly could. He could see the pain etched across Remus's face as he came down the stairs. Pain he had caused.

"Come on, Sirius will be having a fit." Remus said softly, motioning for Harry to go down before him. He had to keep things normal, for Harry's sake.

Placing the last of the pancakes on the table, Sirius turned to the door just in time to see Harry and Remus come through. He couldn't hide his smile.

"Morning Harry." He said brightly. Harry returned the greeting but something was off. Sirius frowned at the awkwardness in Harry's stance and the blankness in his reply. He looked up at his partner for an answer but was just as shocked to what he saw there. Remus looked just as awkward as Harry did. Now if that wasn't the oddest thing he had ever seen. In the back of his mind he barely registered that the pair sat opposite ends of the table from each other.

"These are great Sirius." Harry's comment brought the older man back to reality. He smiled warmly, taking his seat.

"Thank you Harry."

The rest of breakfast was filled with small, non committal talk, most of it started by Sirius. He had worked out fairly soon on that keeping Harry distracted was probably a good thing right now. The three had just finished sorting out the dishes when an idea struck Sirius.

"Hey, how do you feel about going to Diagon Alley today?" He asked Harry. Harry's heart momentarily stopped in his chest. Go outside? There was a sudden swell of fear in his chest and a pain that he didn't quite understand. He knew he shouldn't be afraid to go outside. No one could get to him in Diagon alley, especially with Remus and Sirius with him. He put all of his energy into putting this thought at the front of his mind. He wasn't going to pass down the chance to spend time with them for some silly little fear.

"Sure, that would be great." He hoped his smile didn't look forced. Sirius beamed.

"Perfect! How about you Remy? Up for it?" He asked his lover. "Yhoo who, Remus?" He said, waving his hand in front of the man's face when all he did was state blankly at a wall.

"What? Oh yeah, sure. Good idea." He agreed. "Why don't you go get sorted and we'll leave in a few minutes Harry." He suggested.

Harry nodded, exiting the room in silence. Remus couldn't help the small sigh that escaped his lips. He cursed himself afterwards. He shouldn't be glad that Harry was out of the room, that was just horrific.

"Okay, spill." Sirius said sternly, folding his arms. Remus gulped.

"Spill what?" He asked innocently, busying himself with putting plates in the cupboard. Sirius huffed in a not impressed way. He hadn't spent god knows how many years with this man to not know when something was off.

"Where to start. How about the way you and Harry were playing the dodge game all breakfast?" He asked maybe a little more sharply than necessary.

"I don't know what your talking about Sirius." Remus dismissed him, angling to leave the room. Sirius was having none of that and grabbed the man's wrist before he got more than an inch out of the door.

"Remus." He said, pulling the man back round to look at him. He stared at him, looking him directly in the eye. "You barely spoke to each other, you're staring off into space. Harry is my godson as well and I deserve to know of something is wrong. Know what is going on?"

Remus felt his heart flutter painfully. What could he say? "_Sirius, the problem is that this morning I was checking out our Godson when he was coming out of the bathroom and now I cant be in the same room as him without getting confused._" Yeah, that was bound to go down well. No, he wouldn't say anything like that. Things would be okay in a few hours.

"Sirius, honestly, it's nothing." He tried his hardest to convey with his eyes that he should leave it. Sirius apparently got the hint and dropped the mans arm, though his eyes lingered for a few seconds longer. Remus wasn't oblivious to the disbelief the gaze held.

Sirius sighed heavily. "About today," He started, changing the subject. "Harry seems okay with the idea, but just to be safe, I think we should agree that if anything happens that the closest to him apparates him out of their immediately."

Remus nodded. They both knew that they were going to have to do this, to see just how much Harry was effected by his ordeal. That didn't mean they couldn't be prepared though. "Agreed."

Harry climbed back down the stairs as slowly as humanly possible. Upon grabbing a jacket. He seriously debated not going back down at all. He wanted to go, he really did. He missed Diagon alley, with all the shops and array of magical products, he was just scared. He didn't know what he was scared of, but he could feel it. To make matters worse, he was sure he had made Remus angry at him. The man had barely said two words to him all through breakfast. His heart broke a little. Everyday his feelings for the two got stronger and stronger, he couldn't stand if he lost them. Having one of them not want to be near him was worse than torture. Though he thought he was being tortured enough as it was. Seeing Sirius dance around the library to some old record that Harry didn't know, slightly tipsy was a sight, although amazingly erotic, didn't help Harry's low profile deal.

He didn't understand how one man could look so damn stunning just dancing. Harry had made the quickest exit of his life, barely able to suppress drooling at the display. Harry shook his head, bringing his mind back to the moment at focus. Taking a deep breath he made himself a promise. He could do this.

They decided that the easiest way to get to Diagon Alley was to apparate. Flooing was a messy inconvenience and it seemed Sirius harboured the same dislike to for it as Harry did. Since Harry had yet to pass his test, he had to side along apparate with Sirius. As soon as they arrived Harry's senses were overwhelmed with all the sounds and sights that assaulted him. He couldn't help but smile. He had missed this. So many months cooped up in the same room only heightened the thrill of being outside. Add in the fact that Diagon Alley was one of Harry's favourite places to be and it was a day worth waiting for. Though none of this diminished the small amount of fear that Harry still had in his heart, so he stuck as close to his Godfathers as he could.

The first stop of the day was to go to Gringrotts. The goblins at the front desk never failed to Give Harry the creeps.

"Damn creepy things, would hurt to smile." He had heard Sirius mutter under his breath and he had to hide his laugh as a cough. Sirius winked at him and Harry thought his legs might actually turn to jelly. Collecting the money was a quick stop and pretty soon they were walking round the shops, occasionally going inside and pointing out various wonders on the shelves. Harry was amazed by a new selection of broom grooming gear that had just came out. He had left thoroughly disappointed when Remus persuaded him it wasn't worth the money, plus he had school supplies to buy.

"But its all the new range." He had tried to argue.

"And in a month it will be out of date again." Remus chuckled. Harry pouted but said no more. By midday day all three sets of feet were starting to tire, so they decided that a rest was in order.

"Ice-cream anyone?" Sirius said delightedly, rubbing his hands together. Unfortunately, the ice cream parlour was on the other side of Diagon Alley.

Harry didn't mind this at all, he was having one of the best time he could remember. That was until he saw him. It had been quick at first, just a glance through the crowds and barely registering in his mind. Then he saw him more clearly. It felt like all the air in his lungs had drained out in an instant. His mind reeled, he couldn't here, it was even possible. He could see him though. Standing just by the side if Ollivanders, bold as day, was his Uncle Vernon. Harry's feet stopped and he couldn't get them to move for the life of him. His Uncle was staring straight at him, an all too familiar leer plastered across his face. For a horrific second, Harry thought he was going to come after him.

"_Oh god, no, no, no." _Harry's mind screamed. _"I cant do this, I cant." _He wasn't ready to face him yet. All of a sudden he wanted to be anywhere but here. In the back of his mind he was screaming for Remus or Sirius to see him, to help him.

"Harry?" A hand fell on his shoulder and he jumped, not a small jump but a good foot in the air. He wanted to scream but no sound left his mouth. He turned straight into the concerned face of Sirius, his hand laying lightly on his shoulder. He could feel the trembles running over Harry.

"Harry, are you okay?"

Swallowing hard, Harry tried to calm his brain so he could actually think. His eyes darted almost of their own accord to the space his Uncle has filled. What he saw made him feel like a complete idiot. His Uncle wasn't there. He might have been inclined to think he had just moved but their was still some standing there. They had the same clothes as his Uncle had on, the same expression and was standing exactly the same. It had never been his Uncle at all.

"Harry." Sirius said a little more persistently. He was starting to get really freaked out now. He had been happily chatting away to Remus, thinking Harry was walking right beside him. In wasn't until he had turned did he see that Harry was no longer with them. Both men nearly had a heart attack on the spot, until they spotted him a few feet behind them. Though the look on the boys face hadn't wiped their fear away that much at all. He looked positively scared out of his mind. They had tried to see what he was staring at but all they could see was some random man outside a shop.

"I'm fine." Harry said, forcing his mouth to work. "Just thought I saw someone I knew." He couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

"You sure mate?" Sirius asked a little unconvinced. He saw Harry nod and decided now to let it drop, for now at least. He saw Remus give him a concerned look out of the corner of his eye and offered a weak smile. Unfortunately, the day wasn't over yet.

* * *

**Good, bad, please please let me know! Going too slow or too fast? Any ideas or anything to suggest?**

**I'm looking for a beta for this so if anyone is interested let me know A.S.A.P! **(Am I not good enough! Gasp)


	7. Chapter 7

***peeks above the table top* Hi? Don't shoot! I know its been ages and I'm sorry but here is another chapter for you guys! I forced myself to write this and it getting harder and harder but I had to it for all my lovely reviewers. **

**I haven't read a Harry Potter fic in months, haven't written one (via a small one-shot) in just as long so I'm a little rusty here. **

**Okay, so I don't actually think this chapter adds anything or is any good, goes anywhere or does anything highly exciting but hopefully it satisfies someone!**

**What is it that my readers like about this fic? So I can write more of the same thing and get this going again with what people like. I really, really need the help guys! Pwease?**

**Oh, one thing, I think I mucked my tenses up in this. I have trouble with keeping to the same tense so much because I never write these all in one go. If anyone would be willing to fix that for me I would be so grateful! : )**

**Well without further ado, here is the chap and I hope you like! Review yeah, it makes me so happy. Lol. **

Harry bit down on is bottom lip and on purposely kept his head turned forwards, silently berating himself. Really, he was so idiotic that he actually surprise himself. Sure he wore glasses but it didn't make his sight that bad, to completely confuse two entirely different people. Harry knew that it was impossible for Vernon to be here, since no muggle could step into Diagon Alley without the express help of a wizard, and who would let Vernon in? No, Harry was being idiotic. A small sigh escaped through Harry's lips and he glanced either side, catching sight of both Remus and Sirius. Both were casting their own glances at him every other moment, watching him. Harry could of snorted, watching to make sure he didn't act like a lunatic again. God, he must of looked ridiculous. Harry's heart sunk as he thought about how much of a child he must of seemed, pathetic. He needed to get a backbone and grow up. He needed to prove to them that he wasn't a little boy anymore, that he could deal with this.

Remus resisted the urge to just apparate Harry out of the alley there and then. He had to admit he was a little scared, okay a lot scared for the boy. The incident had been… unnerving. He had no idea what Harry had thought he had seen but he knew it could not of been good. Remus glanced at Sirius and caught his eye. The man looked just as worried as Remus felt. Remus was certain his face mirrored that expression. Sirius stretched out his arm behind Harry, taking hold of one of Remus's, squeezing it tightly. Remus smiled a little laced his fingers with Sirius's tightly. Nothing needed to be said between them, they both knew without asking what the other was thinking.

They walked as group in the direction of the Parlour, none of them really seeing where they are putting their feet. It only takes Harry a fraction of a second to work out when they enter the main district of Diagon Alley and his throat tightens. The streets are positively packed, people bustling around everywhere as bags and items are swung haphazardly in peoples hands. Harry thinks for about asking that they go back, that they go home because all of a sudden the crowds look so much more terrifying than before. Harry jumps a little as something touches his shoulder and he turns too see Remus behind him, one hand lying on Harry's shoulder. Harry smiles, really smiles this time because it is nice to know that Remus still cares and that they he is not angry at him. Harry takes a breath and carries on walking, the whole while concentrating on the warmth of Remus's hand on his shoulder and the fact that he knows both of the men are right beside him.

"So is there anything you want to do during the holidays Harry?" Sirius asks, his voice trying to sound as cheerful as he can. He had seen how frightened Harry had looked by the crowds, he knew he just had to take his mind off if it all and he would be fine, or at least he hoped.

Harry shrugged. "I don't really mind." He said non committal.

"This summer you can do whatever you want Harry." Remus said kindly, "Isn't there anything that you would enjoy?"

Harry thought about that for a moment. When he was at the Dursleys there were always strict rules on what he was and wasn't allowed to do. He couldn't do anything that meant he came into contact with his magic or equipment, and nothing that even hinted at magic. Truthfully he wasn' allowed to anything that was fun at all, like they were scared that fun would automatically make someone think of magic, like that was even possible. All holiday Harry wanted nothing more than to be able to study his magic and be able to learn so he could pass his exams, but now that idea seemed less appealing when weighed against being able to do anything he wanted. A smile grew across Harry's face and he beamed at Sirius.

"Flying." He said simply and Sirius chuckled. He wasn't expecting any other response from James's son. Harry was a natural flyer.

"Sure, there's a hill just down the back of the house that gives perfect cover for flying." Sirius said enthusiastically. "We can all go out together."

Remus groaned.

"You too Moony." Sirius laughed, clapping Remus on the back.

"I would more than happy to just watch you two fly." Remus said fearfully. He had always hated to fly.

"Why don't you like flying?" Harry asked curiously. He knew that his father had been an avid Quidditch player and Sirius along side him, he wondered why they never managed to get Remus into it as well.

"I don't like heights." Remus mumbled, going a nice shade of red. Sirius sniggered beside him.

"Pardon?" Harry frowned, not catching the sentence. Sirius's bit his lip to keep his laughter in.

"I don't like heights." Remus said again more clearly, glaring at Sirius.

"Oh." Harry said simply. "It's not that bad once you get used to it, have you ever tried?"

Remus glared at Sirius even more. "Yes, this mutt managed to convince me once at school."

"Ah, what a fun day." Sirius sighed.

"You dropped me." Remus snorted.

"It was an accident." Sirius exclaimed in his defence, winking at Harry. "You wouldn't stop fidgeting."

"I was scared!" Remus huffed. "Besides, you were the one flying in loops without telling me first, I slipped right off!"

Sirius snorted and burst out laughing, holding his chest as he found it difficult to walk through his laughter. "So-sorry." He forced out. "But it was so funny!" He cried, wiping at his eyes. Harry chuckled and patted Remus's arm.

"I can take you flying, I won't drop you like that dufuss." Harry said with a grin.

"Hey!" Sirius said after his giggles died down.

"Thank you Harry." Remus said with a smirk at Sirius. "That would be lovely."

"Oh so you trust him but not me to take you flying."

Remus nodded. "Yes."

Sirius stared in mock horror as Harry laughed hard, his heart already feeling lighter and lighter by the minute.

"Come on, " Remus said chuckling, "the parlours just down that street."

Harry smiled at his godfathers. He was amazed at how he could deserve two people so wonderful to watch out for him.

Harry jumped as someone bumped into him, knocking against his shoulder. His head spins round and he catches sight of a man walking away, just an ordinary man with shopping he told himself.

"Harry, are you-" Remus's sentence is cut short as they walk into a crowd, a man all but barrelling into Remus knocking him off his feet, his hand on Harry's shoulder disappearing with it. Harry turns round in vain to try and pull Remus back up but is knocked aside himself by the many people rushing around. Harry's breath catches in his throat and he can't see Remus or Sirius as he is pulled away by the crowd.

Everything suddenly seems to loud, too close and too stifling. Harry cant breathe, his lungs seeming to not take in any oxygen. His eyes dart around wildly trying in vain to locate his godfathers but he cant see them. A foot connects painfully with one of Harry's ankles and he trips, hands scraping painfully against the cobbled ground as he flung them out to break his fall. He whimpers despite himself, crawling up into his knees. Trying in vain to stand back up Harry is pushed back down by a random passer by, arm catching Harry's shoulder.

"Remus! Sirius!" Harry called out weakly, hoping beyond hope that one of the would just appear. No one did. A leg banged hard into Harry's side and the person went flying, falling on top of Harry, trapping his legs. Harry panicked and screamed.

"NO, leave me alone!" Harry cried, desperately trying to crawl away from the man. The man looked at him in shock and surprise, reaching out in an attempt to help Harry u. Harry just screamed more. "Leave me alone, leave me alone, NO!" Harry yelled over and over, covering his head with his hands.

SHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHR

Sirius scanned the crowd worriedly, all but pushing people out of the way to find Harry. He had only turned round for a second to help Remus up and then the boy was gone. He could hear Remus moving around the crowd a little way off as well, desperately trying to find Harry. That is when Sirius heard it, that scream. For a second he was frozen to the spot, not able to move. Then the scream went off again and he was moving, following the voice as best he could through the crowd. Harry's voice cut through his heart like a knife, he sounded so scared and afraid. They should never of brought him out like this, at the very least they should of gotten him out of here earlier. Sirius blamed himself fully.

Gasping as he pushed his way through the last of the crowd, Sirius felt sick to his stomach at the way that everyone was just standing there, watching. His eyes fell on Harry and his heart broke all over again. The boy was curled up on the floor, trying in vain to just disappear. Sirius didn't think, just walked up to Harry, trying to ignore the way that Harry flinched away. Wrapping his arms around Harry he felt the boy shake as he apparated them both away.

SHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHR

Remus's breath came out harsh as he tried in vain to find Harry or Sirius. Pushing his way to where everyone was gathered his worry doubled when he could still not see them. Groaning in frustration and worry Remus apparated away on the spot, hoping Sirius had found Harry and taken him home. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't find them both there.

SHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHRSHR

Harry scampered out of Sirius's arms as soon as they arrived back home, backing up until he hit the wall. Sirius was taken back for a moment, watching his godson fearfully. Harry can feel his heart beating hard in his chest and his breath coming out harsh. He doesn't want to look at Sirius because he knows what he will see. Harry doesn't even notice that he starts pacing, his anxiety seeming to take on a mind of its own as his feet carry him across the floor of their own accord.

Sirius watches him mutely, worried. He wants nothing more to go up to Harry and put his arms around him, tell him that everything is going to be okay. He can still see the fear in Harry's face. He sighs heavily.

"Harry, please stop." He says calmly, hoping to bring his godson back to sense. Harry just carries on pacing, like he doesn't even register what he is doing. That scares Sirius a little, like Harry has shut off. Sirius stands and approaches Harry for the first time. Harry's steps falter a little as Sirius gets close to him but Sirius doesn't back. Reaching out a hand slowly he grasps it around Harry's shoulder, stopping him where he stands.

"Harry." Sirius says gently, pulling a little to get Harry to sit down on the nearest couch to them. Harry goes easily, no fight in him. "Harry, can you tell me what happened?" Sirius tries, wanting nothing more than to help.

Harry shook his head a little, not wanting to talk about it. His head felt fuzzy and heavy. It hurt to even think about it. His hands trembled in his lap and he wrung them together, twisting his fingers round and round in an attempt to get them to stop. He felt more than heard Sirius sigh before his hands were on his, holding them still. Harry flinched, tugging his hands back with a force that he would regret later, putting his hands underneath himself instead. He tried not to see the look of hurt that flashed across his godfather's face.

"It's okay you know, to be afraid." Sirius said softly.

"I-" Harry tried.

"Yes?" Sirius prompted warmly.

Harry swallowed hard and took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. "I got taken by surprise." He said slowly. "I didn't see the people coming."

Sirius resisted the urge to try and take Harry's hand again. He guessed he could understand this, why Harry felt the need to come up with a reason, an excuse of sorts to explain himself. He would have to work on that, Harry needed to know that he wouldn't be looked down on for admitting that he got scared. It was understandable.

"We all get surprised Harry, its nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm okay." Harry said quietly, wanting nothing more than to convince Sirius that this was true. Harry barely felt it as one lone tear fell from his eye, the only outward sign of what was going on in his head. Sirius watched as the tear fell, following it as it fell from Harry's eyelashes and stopping on the dip just above the corner of his mouth.

Sirius didn't know where it came from, but the sudden urge to kiss that tear away crossed his mind. The urge to just lean forwards and brush his lips over that spot and take the tear away. It took a second for his mind to catch up with the fact that he had done just that. His eyes widened as he leant back, feeling the small moistness of the tear on his lip. His breath caught a little and he leant back from Harry, confused. Where had that come from? His eyes fell on Harry reluctantly to see him looking just as surprised and bewildered. Sirius felt like hitting his head against the side of the nearest door frame.

"Erm." He tried to say something but what he doesn't even know.

"I think I'm gonna go have a lie down." Harry says softly, stepping up from the sofa, leaving the room without a backward glance. Sirius nods even though he knows that Harry cannot see him. He listens as Harry's footsteps climb up the stairs. Sirius doesn't not moved the entire time, his joints seemingly frozen to the spot. He had just kissed Harry, okay maybe not properly kissed but he had kissed him. Sirius jumped and he heard the door down the hall slam and Remus's voice call out.

He was so screwed.

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**Review pleeeeaaasssseeee???? :)**

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